My sixteen year old stepson was inducted into the National Honor Society last night. As I watched him walk out onto the stage my eyes welled up with tears. I was a proud Mom.
It is truly funny how life happens. Seven years ago I had no idea that I would be in the position I am today. Seven years ago I had two sons – now I have four. Do I love them any differently?
I met my husband through and on-line dating service. When I set up my profile I remember marking the box “would prefer someone without children or with grown children”. At that time my boys were already twenty-two and twenty-six and they had been out on their own for a while. I had gotten use to having an empty nest and doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, so the thought of raising children again just wasn’t appealing to me.
I agreed to meet my husband at a local restaurant. This was the first time I had met someone through the dating site. It was just going to be a date. It was going to be the date to break the ice for all the other potential candidates that I would meet. I walked over to the table where he was waiting. He stood up to take my hand and as I looked up into a pair of gentle blue eyes I knew I was in trouble. Never had a met such a kind and gentle person. The love this man felt for his children shown in his eyes as he spoke about each of their characteristics and personalities. It was a true, genuine love and it made him undeniably attractive.
The first time I met the boys I was very nervous. They were six and ten. As I walked up to the house with pizza in hand, two little faces peered through the long glass of the storm door. One had dusty blonde hair and big blue eyes, the other a crop of curly brown hair, deep dimples and an infectious smile. They had grown accustom to pizza and a movie with their Dad every other Friday night. Who was this person that their Dad had asked to join them? Why was she bringing over the pizza and it wasn’t being dropped off by the delivery guy from the local pizza place? Would they prove to be more than I could handle? Would they accept me without the fear that I was taking their father away?
That evening happened almost seven years ago and I cannot imagine my world without these two young men in it. My amazing family now consists of a wonderful husband, a thirty-two year old son, a twenty-eight year old son and his wife, and two pretty awesome teenage sons. I have four sons — not two biological sons and two stepson’s — I just have four sons.
I believe that the key ingredients to making a family are open arms, an open mind and a big open heart. In my mind biology really shouldn’t have anything to do with it. Biology definitely has something to do with creating fathers and mothers, but it really doesn’t have anything to do with making a family. I may not have given them life, but life definitely gave us each other. Life helped to make us a family.
As I start down the path to my next fifty years, I will continue to support my four sons with the choices that they make and help them through their many ups and downs.
So, to answer the question, “Do I love them differently?” Nope. I just love them.